Today I had a 12pm (Noon) callout to go to the Psychology department. I don’t like these callouts at all. It’s important to remember that these psychologists work for the BOP, not you, and you are talking to the police whenever you speak with them. As well, given the “I’d offer you to sit but we don’t have chairs and unfortunately that’s the staff couch” meeting last time, you can be pretty sure these lovely and well-meaning psychologists have not stayed up with current trends.
Well, today was survery day, and I literally asked for a copy of the survery to bring back to joke with friends. It had such questions as: “I know several people who have committed crimes: Agree or Disagree” Well, I don’t know if you guys realized this, but we’re in a prison… so, statistically speaking…
One was, “I would outrun the police in certain circumstances.” There is no space to ask if a relay race is one of those circumstances. Let it be clear, if there is a charity race and my team is running against the police, I will do my best to outrun them. Anything for charity.
Another was “I would commit a crime again”. First, as many legal experts have said, I did not commit a crime (JusticeForAri.org – yay!), so this question is a bit sloppy. However, they might as well have put: “I’m a fucking idiot: Agree or Disagree”. Who would say Agree to that question in a Federal Prison?
They asked over and over if it was OK to hit people or steal from them. “Obviously not, unless you’re a Fed,” was not one of the options, but I don’t think they take their own surveys. (To be clear, I don’t think it’s ok to steal or to hit someone… Of course, if a young lady asks you to slap her tush during lovemaking, you should first ask her to fill out a survery. And if you’re not married, surverys should be the only thing you’re scoring! (My mom reads these.))
Psychological questionaires are bullshit in general — the MAJORITY of psych studies cannot be replicated, which is the standard for scientific inquiry. But a psychological question by a prison is a trap. In fact, if you refuse to answer it, they mark you as “A Refused”, but don’t tell you what happens.
They love uncertainty here, but only for you. My guess is if they held a Secret Santa instead of giving out gifts, they’d take turns snitching on each other. “You get a sweater for snitching on your Secret Santa… snitches get stiches!”
It would be a sweater vest. These guys love a good vest.
When everyone, and I mean EVERYONE in the room, asked what happens with the survery, all the nice lady said was, “It’s scored and put into the computer.”
“The Computer” is a powerful Being in Prison. If you do not get put into The Computer correctly, you can suffer terrible consequenses regardless of facts or the law. At 11pm an officer will tell someone, “Sorry, you can’t sleep there despite it being your bed for the last 3 years because it’s not in The Computer,” and boom, you’re out, packing all your stuff, and a random guy takes over your “home” for a few nights. Before, of course, they fix it in “The Computer”.
However, I’m sure that was not what the guys we’re asking. They wanted to know what would happen to them if they answered these questions honestly. None of them seemed reassured that their honest answers would be entered into The Computer. No assurance that they would get therapy or behaviour skills was given — though I assume that’s what will happen, some class on anger management. That would be a good thing. Meditation, anger management, and social skills are good things to practice, no matter the baseline you’re starting at.
“Who made these questions?” I asked.
“Regional.”
“Ah yes, the mytical Regional. I imagine they sit in an emerald room like the Wizard of Oz and all their chairs swivel on motors.”
She laughed.
Probably I’m right about it being green. If it’s not gray or brown in the BOP, it’s green… mint… or emerald.
I didn’t even get a free mechanical pencil like the other guys because I walk around with pens and paper to sketch and take notes so I can remember where to be when the officers play inmate tennis with me (“Go talk to Officer X.” “Officer Y told me to talk to you.” “No, that’s an Officer Y question…” “Officer X said you’re the one for this.” “Ok, tell him I said it’s OK.” “Officer Y said to tell you it’s fine.” “Let me get with Officer Y…”).
Oh well, I’ll have the questions to serve as memories.
It was a really nice pencil.
Ari
