Tag: Ari
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Erev Passover Pickup Line
“Hey, is your tush Chametz? Because it’s on fire.” Try it on your girlfriend or wife! Satisfaction* guaranteed! (If you don’t understand this joke, ask your Rabbi. But apologize before … and after.) Chag Kasher v’Sameach. Happy Passover. Love, Ari *Not hers or yours.
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The bloodiest event I ever experienced…
The bloodiest event I ever experienced bleeding was the ribbon-cutting ceremony at the new ribbon factory. Scissors everywhere. People died. We tried to save them. There was plenty of material for tourniquets. But people kept cutting them! The red section, you couldn’t even tell who was and who was just buried in the frenzy! Lesson…
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Thoughts from living with sex offenders
Some thoughts on the guys in for sex offenses, after having the unique experience of living with a lot of them for 6+ months and interacting with them frequently (they make up possibly a majority of the population here, especially if you discount the largely non-English speaking Puerto Rican gang members). 1. All of them…
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The man who named Bat Man
I wonder if the guy who named “Big Bird” is the same guy who named “Bat Man”. I bet he used to tell his wife how difficult work was. Probably while drunk. “You don’t understand. You think anyone can just come up with a character name? Years ago they called me in, ‘It’s a man…
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Heritage of Spirit
“Most people are standing, here, with one foot in the past and one in the future,” Zater says, drawing a man on a lined notebook sheet, “But they’re looking and leaning back, like there’s a mattress against the wall in the past, and they fall into it and it bounces them forward, but they just…
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Times have changed!
Back in the 90s, if folks wanted to be entertained they had to call a phone number to hear which movies were playing in theaters. Now they just set fire to Minneapolis. People used to think it was good to discriminate based on race, now they think it’s very good. Men used to call women…
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So we’re part evil inclination…
Earlier in the week I read in a commentary on the Torah, by Rabbi Boruch Adler, that the tradition states Cain was the product of the Nachash (serpent) and Chava, that the angel of death / evil inclination directed the Nachash to mate with Chava! Also, because Noah’s wife Naama descended from Cain, and we…
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Shavua Tov & Happy Chanukah!!! Home soon!
Shavua Tov and Happy 3rd Night of Chanukah to all who celebrate. To those who celebrate “Hanukkah” or “Hanukah”, there is still time to repent. This Shabbat another guy stepped in to take half the Torah reading, which felt great because I also got news Friday that **my relocation request was approved**, so there will…
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Chanukah in Prison
In prison, seeing a flame is rare. Tonight, dozens of them adorned folding tables near the glass front doors of the chapel, colorful wax candles stuck in ubiquitous tin Chanukah Menorahs, lit by Jewish men from Israel, Germany, Latin America, the United States, and Florida. Some men sat and stared at the fire for a…
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The 85 year-old little boy in prison
“What were your parents like?” I ask Doc. Asking an 85-year-old man about his parents starts your brain doing math. They’ve have been born over 105 years ago… “My mom, and I know everybody says this, but my mom really was the hardest-working, sweetest woman that ever walked God’s Earth. Raised four boys without a…
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Judaism through new eyes
Shavua Tov. This was a laid-back Shabbat with some nice highlights. “Bek” (Dennis Gogel), the German soldier who discovered he’s Jewish in prison, attended Friday night services and got his first Aliyah to the Torah (being called up to the Torah) this morning. I was leining (reading the Torah), and it was super nice to…
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A Hopeful Shabbat
In this week’s Parsha, our forefather Yaacov promises Laban to work seven years to earn Rachel as his wife. The Torah says that because he loved Rachel, the seven years “seemed like little time to him” (Vayetse, 29:20). The Shadal (Trieste, Italy) explains that “those days were days of tranquility and pleasure, for he took…
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Pound, Oprah Winfrey’s Dream
Pound, as he’s called, is big. Bigger. When you sit with him or stand next to him, it feels as if he was made for a world 50% bigger than we’re inhabiting. Even his voice is big. When he booms, “Hayy baby,” to his niece or wife on the phone, you don’t just hear it…
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My bed tent. Eureka!
In the Glass House, there are no full walls around your cell, just cubicle partitions, about 5′ tall, so privacy is non existent… until, Eureka! I awoke from a (failed) nap with a plan! For those new to hearing about the Glass House, imagine a corporate office, but in each 8×8 cubicle they stuck: –…
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Chanukah Decorations at Glass House
Rubinstein’s got a tinsel Magen David hanging over the entrance to his cubby, and a “Happy Hanukah” (Well, “Happ_ Hanu_ah”… key letters missing) decoration across his front wall. He’s recruiting others. He asked me earlier, “Do you want Hanukkah decorations?” I thought he was trolling me. Where do you get Chanukah decorations in prison? I…
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From moments of despair to moments of joy
Some days you wake up in prison and some days you wake up IN prison. Today was one of those days where the steel bars feel a little colder and tighter in the morning. You think back to things destroyed, opportunities killed, relationships harmed or ended… you think of the stress, the loss, the folks…