I wonder if the guy who named “Big Bird” is the same guy who named “Bat Man”.
I bet he used to tell his wife how difficult work was.
Probably while drunk.
“You don’t understand. You think anyone can just come up with a character name? Years ago they called me in, ‘It’s a man who dresses as a bat.’ That’s all they had. Conference room full of executives, agents, assistants, ‘creatives’ who couldn’t draw an ink blotch by accident.”
This was the early 1970s and Rorschach tests were all the rage.
“Finally, they called me in. I told them, ‘You can get it fast, cheap, or good, but you can’t only pick two.’ They said, ‘Money is no option, but we need it now.’”
“I went up to the hills outside Hollywood, I called them the Hollywood Hills. That was my idea, that name.
Alliteration wasn’t a thing until I said, ‘Guys, words can begin with the same letter.’ Anyway, I just meditated, let go and let G-d, you know? Had my assistant stay 50 yards away mixing banana daiquiris and burning incense, the usual.”
“Finally, a dozen daiquiris into it, 20-30 minutes later, it comes to me. I waste no time. I speed — I have my assistant speed back to the studio. I call everyone in. It’s 5am, they’re asleep. Not with their wives. But they come in. Took forever to ring them on rotary phones but we did it. They called in a pastry chef and had the receptionist throw on a tighter sweater to get everyone alert.”
“I wrote on the black board…” (White boards hadn’t spread yet)
“Bat Man”
“He’s a man. He dresses as a bat. I like it,” said the chairman of the studio.
“‘Do you think they’ll get it?’ Darn Goldwyn. Always gotta be the devil’s advocate. A Jew. They all are. Brooks says Goldy’s poodle’s a queer and he’s compensating.’”
“They did focus groups, surveys, snuck it into references of game shows. Sure enough, everyone got it. ‘Bat Man’ was a man dressed as a bat. The rest is history. Saved that studio.”
His wife pretends to be impressed, “Relax yourself honey. You’re such a hard worker.” She makes a mental note to empty the rum when he heads off for a “business lunch” tomorrow at 3pm.
“Oh, and that bird. The big one. ‘Tall Bird’ they were going to call it! Can you imagine? Tall bird? That doesn’t capture the essence! I told them, ‘Guys how many times do I have to say it, ‘Words can begin with the same letter!?’ Big Bird! They paid big for that one and it was worth it… saved the show. Who even wants to look at a tall bird? What is he? A blue heron?”
“You’re totally right, honey,” his wife said, thinking maybe she’d spend the weekend at her sister’s.
“It’s tall, yes, so is Art Linkletter. His poodle is funny, too.”
“A lot of dogs do that for dominance. I read it in Readers Digest a while ago.”
“Not Linkletter’s poodle! He gets underneath!”
“Well, I… My sister might need some help this weekend painting the baby’s room.”
“No creativity there. Kermit the Frog? Can you imagine? He’s a frog named Kermit. That’s why they need to hire us experts! At least Miss Piggy, you get something from ‘Miss’. Sass! Panache! But why isn’t she Misses? She’s living in sin with a frog! First the poodles then the frogs! Just like the pastor said!”
“Here, here.”
“We used to be a Christian nation.”
“I don’t know if Ms. Piggy has a religion.”
“Well, she’s not Jewish! Which you’d think otherwise out of that studio!”
“They don’t eat pigs, that’s right.”
“Kermit does!”
“Honey, the kids are sleeping.”
“Well, hopefully they don’t turn out like Linkletter’s poodle.”
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I know. I’m wondering the same thing. They don’t let us outside much.
Have a great week.
Ari
